new project

inherited from jon's brother and sister-in-law who got tired of it sitting around. i get to reupholster this chaise! yay!! i'm totally excited about it and am thinking i will paint it a subtle gold and then recover it in a damask or velvet. it'll probably take longer than some other projects, only because it's hard on my back to hunch over anything for long. it will go so well with our ikea couch and turkish chairs... :)

hold it up to the light

this song has been one of the most meaningful of my life. i've been smitten with david's music since i was 15 and he is still my favorite folk musician because his music and messages are timeless. his wit, his compassion, his lyricism, his ability to make totally complicated and rhythmic guitar parts sound simple and gorgeous, his HUGE talent for writing songs that speak directly to my heart- well, he's just been a total gift. i was talking to my sister beloved who recently and tragically lost her baby girl about this song and how we've both been affected by him and this song in particular.

i think we all have times in our lives when we throw up our hands and say, "i don't know which way to go. i don't know who or what to trust. i don't know how to trust." and in our world with all the choices we have, there are so many distractions!! having choices is a good thing, don't get me wrong, but sometimes, like everything else, it isn't. especially when there are too many. often it doesn't matter what we choose, but many times it absolutely does, and as i think back on my life, i wish i had taken what this song conveys more seriously. i wish i had held it up to the light instead of acting in fear that the light wouldn't answer.

It's the choice of a lifetime - I'm almost sure
I will not live my life in between anymore
If I can't be certain of all that's in store
This far it feels so right
I will hold it up - hold it up to the light,
Hold it up to the light, hold it up to the light

The search for my future has brought me here
This is more than I'd hoped for, but sometimes I fear
That the choice I was made for will someday appear
And I'll be too late for that flight
So hold it up - hold it up to the light,
Hold it up to the light, hold it up to the light

It's too late - to be stopped at the crossroads
Each life here - a possible way
But wait - and they all will be lost roads
Each road's getting shorter the longer I stay

Now as soon as I'm moving - my choice is good
This way comes through right where I prayed that it would
If I keep my eyes open and look where I should
Somehow all of the signs are in sight
If I hold it up to the light

I said God, will you bless this decision?
I'm scared, Is my life at stake?
But I see if you gave me a vision
Would I never have reason to use my faith?

I was dead with deciding - afraid to choose
I was mourning the loss of the choices I'd lose
But there's no choice at all if I don't make my move
And trust that the timing is right
Yes and hold it up hold it up to the light
Hold it up to the light, hold it up to the light


while i'm not struggling with any one particular decision lately, this theme has become one of the most significant in my life as i struggle to understand what it really means to trust god and hold my life up to his light. i think i've always thought, "yeah, god's there, he cares about me." but it's been in more impersonal terms. have i really believed that, in turning myself over to him, he could and would change and bless my life? or that he could and would change me? honestly?? not really. but i want to make it personal. i want a real relationship with him.

i've been reading a book written by a woman who struggled for many years with severe obesity and how she was able to combine principles of her faith with the 12 steps to become sober, meanwhile, alleviating a multitude of other problems that just seemed to fall into place... (side note: i am fascinated with addiction and aa and all the 12 step programs; don't worry, i'm not addicted to heroin, peeps), and it was only until she was able to begin to develop that trust that her life was able to change. it wasn't willpower, it wasn't luck. it was, as they say in aa, a power greater than her own.

don't we all have problems? and don't we all have problems that, at times, seem to be unfixable? problems that need more than we can give to them? i know that as i have battled several episodes of severe depression and anxiety over the last 15 years, those things have seemed unfixable. or any personal weakness or characteristic or relationship, that, try as i might, i cannot change by myself. (irritability, jealousy, whatever...) coleen harrison, writer of the book, suggests that most problems are fundamentally spiritual, and so most solutions must be spiritual. she also suggests that virtually any problem, whether it's socially acceptable or not, overeating or alcoholism, perfectionism or sex addiction, can be addressed and ameliorated by seeking and developing a trusting relationship with the divine. this isn't to say that if i develop perfect trust, my depression and anxiety will go away. maybe they will, maybe they won't. but maybe that load can lighten so i don't feel it on my back. or maybe greater trust can lead to greater understanding of the why. so how do i do it? how do i turn myself over to him? how do i hold it up to the light? that is the work before me.... i don't believe there is any better work i could ever do.

these two?

adorable.

i was looking at pictures of our trip to the cape last year and thought this one was especially cute. how is it possible that they are in their sixties?! such good parents i have.... (whoa, inner yoda. hi.)

they're in england for 3 weeks and i miiiiiiss them.

if you like mitt, i apologize...

not meant to offend.

it's just that i have this brilliantly hilarious friend whose post i have to repeat.



mitt and the word of wisdom


and then from les, and i quote: "it's ok, he'll probably just throw it up in the bathroom."

(i can excuse this cause we're both mormones and he was my bishop in boston, tho we have decidedly different political beliefs. also, for a time in my twenties i was basically borderline anorexic and CRAZED about my weight. i'm not saying i want to be anorexic, but the tiniest shred of that old self-control would be welcome now...)
dad, this one's for you.

gilligan, i mean, gillian

we went to see gillian welch and her partner david rawlings a few weeks ago at the u, and it was divine. like a lot of folk and bluegrass musicians (who i'm partial to), they are the kind of performers who sound at least as good or better live than the album does. it was one of those shows that happens the way a show should, with the audience sitting so rapt and quiet that you can actually feel the music in your souly soul. it made me homesick for a time i never knew, when women wore straw hats and lawn dresses and you might tromp through a field alone to go berry-picking.

pregnant is not all it's cracked up to be

and if you don't want to hear any complaining, then don't read this post.

at the wise old age of almost-35, i am pregnant with my first (and maybe last?) child. i am 24 weeks along, and am due january 22. currently, we're calling him walter but that could change if husband decides to like any of my other names (howard, arthur, linus, hugh....), OR in the event that i get brain damage between now and january and am swayed to his idea and we call him septembuary.  walter is the main reason that this blog has remained silent for months, due to the havoc he is wreaking on his mother's now middle-aged body. (should i have done this when i was 25??? perhaps.)

two of my sisters have had babies, and their pregnancies seemed to be pretty damage-free. and one of my grandmothers said she actually felt better when she was pregnant-- better mood, increased energy, etc., so i was hoping! but alas, i seem to have inherited my mother's luck. YE-AH.

morning sickness is a misnomer, people! because (for the lucky ones) it doesn't just show up in the morning, it hangs out ALL DAY. even taking a drug for nausea normally prescribed to people with cancer hasn't helped much. add to that the development of carpal tunnel (apparently it's common in pregnancy because of swelling), the inability to stand without grunting or peeing a little bit, a weird rash on my legs, arms and belly, the exhaustion, wearing clothes made for whales and feeling like one, the inconvenience of having to eat every hour or two, back pain, heartburn day and night, pitting edema, not being able to wear any of my shoes but birkenstock sandals (which is fine because i can't reach my chuck taylors to tie them anyway) and almost-chronic, blinding headaches... and we're off! actually, i have a friend who, for her three pregnancies, had to spend the entire time on her back in a dark room with no light and no movement.... and i think she is a saint. so could it be worse? yup.

at least i can send my husband out to get me slurpees and feel semi-okay about it. and getting my hands on that baby and smelling his baby smell will make it all worth it, right?

also, is it inevitable that this not-very-consistent blog will turn into a mommy blog? probably.

To Lys (1996)

White.

A blank canvas.

A surface of endless possibilities.

The two of us- a pair- stand before it

With brushes poised-

Midair.

Almost hesitant to begin, lest we, through our folly

Should disturb the beauty of such perfectly unmarred space.

We plan and worry and laugh with girlish lightheartedness-

And in the end, will the shapes and light and 

Color and space all conjoin harmoniously?

We stand-

Silently appreciating the vibrancy and life

Which the other has to contribute

Enjoying this light, this room, this youth,

This Now....

Realizing all the while that very soon we will each begin anew-

A canvas of our own.

this is how i'm feeling right now.

the way this song feels.

i'm reading this book.

and annoying my husband in the process.

but oh my goodness, i am learning so much about food. i think this book was a huge influence on my dad going vegan a few years ago. at the time, he really pushed it but since he's always pushing some fabulously interesting thing (whether it's about gardening or sprouting or theodore roosevelt or the latest political column from the washington post), i didn't take him too seriously. sorry, bob. now, however, i am eating this stuff up! (pun not intended.) the book is intended for people who want to lose weight healthily (this includes me, as size 1 and i are no longer speaking--), but the first half is really just filled with excellent sources, including NUMEROUS scientific studies, many of which are references to the now well-known China Study. referring to it, fuhrman says over and over that rates of virtually all kinds of cancers, diabetes, osteoporosis and other significant health problems which are at present, endemic in the United States, are virtually non-existent in China, particularly in the more rural areas which are least influenced by western diet. And it's all because they eat, as Michael Pollan says, "food. not too much. mostly plants." you should read it! personally, i'm pretty convinced (like i wasn't before!!) that the atkins diet is not the way to go... and that the less animal proteins we consume the healthier our bodies and the safer and better off our animals (the ones that live and die). not to mention that it's more sustainable and kinder to this good earth of ours.

i highly recommend this book to anyone who is interested in improving general health, losing weight, and learning about how the politics of food have made america fat and sick, just like poor bessie.

stomp once for britney. and twice for beyonce.

if you haven't seen leslie hall yet, be prepared for weird. but awesome. she is not afraid to rock gold spandex. and i want to learn her moves.

about leslie: she is from ames, iowa, was born in 1981, and is the curator of a gem sweater collection. please read more about her here.

you're welcome.

darling friend.

my friend, randall lake, is perfectly lovely.  and a perfectly lovely artist to boot.  one of the best professional artists in salt lake city, he studied with alvin gittins at the university of utah  as well as doing all kinds of less formal learning in paris and also teaching at the sorbonne. (ummm, yeah. the sorbonne.)  here is one of my favorite things by him, recently gifted to someone i love, who should know that i would be happy to inherit it at any time (wink wink). 

i met randall at a party and was instantly captivated by his love for all things beautiful, his depth of thought, his deprecating nature and his ability to make me feel appreciated and absolutely at home in my skin, despite our age difference of 30 years.

randall may have been born in the wrong century, and i mean that as a compliment, because he could care less about technology or commercialism or popularity and knows more than you (or i) do about oscar wilde and the gospels and french film.  and i love that.  (not to mention, we can talk about our feelings, and with what other 60 year-old man can you do that, other than your dad? randall claims it's cause he's gay... maybe.)  but he's also so unassuming that he never makes me feel silly that i don't know much about russian impressionism or the food practices of orthodox jews.  he has a studio in the guthrie building in downtown salt lake, and you should go there one of these gallery stroll weekends, because it feels like stepping into un salon in turn-of-the-century paris.  maybe you'll bump into satie or cocteau.

this and the top painting are of his studio

the man is brilliant with color

  

i have this one at home

 other favorites, all available in some form (original, print or notecard) on randall's website.

you should go there and buy something.

"big mac falafel and a side of fries... yeah"

i think this might be one of my favorite things to make for dinner. i've had this recipe for ages which i think i found in some food magazine.... anyway, it's sooo yummy and flavorful that when i eat it i have a mouthgasm. it's always a hit with the grownups. it's a pleasure to make too, kind of sensual in a tactile sort of way, though i love any kind of cooking for that exact reason and others. plus it meets my requirements for a vegetarian meal (it's not quite vegan)-- it's so delicious and filling that you almost feel like you've eaten meat. (without that yucky post-meat heaviness.) to get jon's niece to eat it, we told her it's like a variation on the chicken nugget, which isn't that far from the truth. and keziah,  eater of all-things-cheesy-pizza-and-chicken-nuggets-but-not-vegetables, ATE it. liking it was a different story, but she didn't gag or spit it out. that's success in my book.

crispy falafel with parsley garlic yogurt

2 15oz. cans chickpeas, drained and rinsed
1/4 c. lemon juice
1 shallot or 1/2 small onion, diced finely
1/2 tsp. ground cumin

1/2 tsp. red pepper flakes
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 tsp. salt
2 tbsp. fresh parsley, chopped
1/2 c. bread crumbs

2 eggs, whisked
11/2 c. plain yogurt
1 c. (or more as needed) additional bread crumbs


in blender or food processor, process chickpeas, lemon juice, and a 1/4 c. of water until almost smooth. transfer to a large bowl and add the shallot, cumin, red pepper flakes, garlic, salt, parsley and 1/2 c. bread crumbs and mix well. roll into about 16 balls and flatten slightly to form patties. place remaining bread crumbs in a dish. dip the patties in the whisked egg, then roll in bread crumbs coating evenly. 


to make the yogurt dip:  in a medium bowl, combine yogurt with 1/8 tsp. ground pepper, one minced garlic clove, 1 tsp. salt, and one tbsp. of chopped parsley. mix well, cover and refrigerate.


heat 1/8 c. canola oil in a large skillet over medium heat. place about 8 of the patties in the pan and cook until golden brown, approx. 2 minutes per side. drain on paper towels. add another 1/8 c. of oil if necessary and cook remaining patties. drain. serve with the yogurt.

i like to serve this with whole wheat pita and tomato olive cucumber salad which you can stuff in the pita or eat on the side. rice or quinoa steamed in vegetable stock is nice too.

peacocks.

i gave these to my sister and sort of wish i hadn't because i really like them. (i can't be a real artist, can i? because real artists are so critical of everything they do....) done in acrylic and using color theory, they're simple, but i think that makes them seem more majestic. and i think i like peacocks more in theory than in actuality because when i see them at the zoo i'm always sort of disappointed by their snobby rattiness. 

isn't there something really great about variations on a theme? in art, music... anything. what variations on a theme do you like?

you gotta feel this... in your duodenum.

yeah, this guy's amazing. our friend sent this video to jon and i'm re-posting cause i love it. reggie's voice rivals prince (which i don't say often)... and then... he's funny too. wait til he starts dancing. i'm crushin.

sharon who?

i've mentioned scherenschnitte, the art of papercutting, on this blog before.  the book below was given to me as a gift many years ago when i first became interested in doing paper cutting myself.  it is a collection of the paper cuttings of hans christian andersen, the brilliant and sad writer of beautifully devastating fairy tales.  as a child, i let him break my small heart as i listened to my mother read "the red shoes" and "the little match girl," and having often listened to danny kaye's lovely record of silly songs and andersen stories, i was so pleased to discover this little book.  andersen delighted children and adults not only with his stories but also by cutting paper while he told them, and at the end of the story would unfold these magical illustrations.  having attempted this art form for years while wielding an x-acto knife and pre-designed pattern (mine or someone else's), i find his art even more remarkable considering that his only tool was probably an awkward pair of scissors.

one of my favorite contemporary paper artists is an englishman called rob ryan and his work can be seen in the next two photographs.

paper dress

the intricacy is mind-boggling, especially when you consider that everything belonging to each image is connected and from one sheet of paper. (mine is too, at least in theory...)

below are examples of work by a local artist, cindy ferguson.

casting pearls before swine

cherry blossoms

cindy is a talented graphic designer and paper cutter and hilarious human to boot! and teaches occasional classes, one of which i have taken.

and here are a few examples of things i've done. it helps if you can do simple sketches so you have your own pattern, but if not, there are lots of places on the web that provide free patterns. what's great about paper cutting as a hobby is that while it's quite lovely, it's also CHEAP. all you need besides paper is that x-acto knife and mat... and maybe a lot of attention to detail. 

this design is martha stewart

the next two are my designs

all art is autobiographical; the pearl is the oyster's autobiography. -federico fellini

i've mentioned before that i was lucky enough to go to jeweler's school in san francisco over 6 years ago. because my family had lived in palo alto when i was a child while my dad did his residency, we still have friends there, and while i attended school, i lived with the loveliest of all lovelies, pat robinson. i even lived on the same little street i used to live on, the first residence located on property where mark zuckerberg now humbly (seriously) resides. 

every day, monday through friday, i would wake up and walk past a tiny local library and then down a street smelling of orange blossoms and jasmine (palo alto is divine!) to the train and spend an hour snuggled up with a book commuting into the city. upon arriving, i would walk several city blocks past little shops and the big convention center there to market street. every day was spent in a lovely old triangular-shaped brick building called the phelan building, and every day was fun because i was learning new things, from soldering and fabrication to stone setting and mold making. our teachers would often leave the windows open, and at ten stories high, the most delicious san franciscan breezes would waft through the air. at lunch i would get fabulous sandwiches made by little chinese ladies at a deli down the street or the most divine brown sugar shortbread at a nearby bakery. and then at the end of the day, i would reluctantly leave my workspace and newly purchased tools and the euphoria of learning something new, and take the train home at night to eat dinner and sleep in my cozy little bed on amherst street. not to mention, one of my best ladies was there at the time too, and we had some fabulous times.... ("that beaver has rigor mortis!!")

it was a short but delightful spot of time in my life, being surrounded like beauty like that, and i feel so lucky to have gone. jewelry isn't something that i'm passionate about necessarily; certainly the world doesn't need any more of it. and i've never been drawn to the overtly showy or expensive. gemstones, precious or otherwise, are pretty, but the human and environmental costs just don't make them all that worthy to me. i would so much rather own something made of tin by a tiny peruvian woman who i might have met on my travels, or something intricately carved in tree resin by a grey-haired, hunched over ethiopian man-- because i can't help but believe that permeating those inanimate objects is something worth more than gold.  

anyhoo.... the things i make are not made in another country or out of anything really precious. but they're mine and i make them with looove.

some of my earliest, simplest pieces:

brass, one of my favorite metals to work with

a prism from one of grandma's old lamps

my sister's idea, made from a button

we sawed off the button backs and glued on soldered ring shanks with 2 part epoxy

upholster this!

first upholstery project

upholstery is fun and relatively easy if you choose a simple piece of furniture to begin with. my friend erin had been taking community education classes several years ago and that's how i was first introduced.  my first project was the chair pictured.  it had belonged to my grandfather and he no longer wanted it, so i stripped the fabric, keeping the pieces as intact as possible.  this part can be kind of tedious because you have to pull out either a billion staples or tacks.  there is a special tool for this, but it's SHARP and i stabbed my left hand aplenty.  after it was stripped, i spray painted the exposed wood black, and because the chair was old enough, covered the skeleton with new burlap, which provides a kind of support for the cotton batting which pads the chair.  i provided several layers of fresh cotton batting (the older it is, the smellier) and using the fabric i had stripped, determined how much new fabric i would need.  the old fabric also helps you guesstimate the basic shapes of the fabric; you'll want to hang on to it til you're finished.  using a staple gun (an air gun makes it SO much easier, so be sure to make friends with someone who owns an air compressor!), i stapled the fabric to the wood as close to the inside edge as possible.  sometimes it's helpful to have 3 hands, because stretching the fabric to the proper tension can be challenging.  (it also helps not to staple your finger to the chair, which i've seen happen and is actually kind of cool, as long as it doesn't happen to YOU.)  it needs to be pretty tight but also kept even.  the back piece of fabric was stitched on by hand with clear, nylon upholstery thread and the trim is glued on.  it's kind of time-consuming but so much cheaper than buying a new piece of furniture, even if you take a class.  plus, for me, the satisfaction of being able to look at it and say, "yay me! i totally did that!" is so worth it.

 

(disclaimer:  why WHY did i choose this fabric? one, it's UGly.  and two, what if the french is just french jibberish like the tee shirts i used to see in brazil with english nonsense written on them?  c'est la vie...)

come to me, spring

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday; this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings: and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any--lifted from the no
of all nothing--human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

-e.e. cummings-

really, e.e. cummings?  how does anyone write anything this beautiful?

happiness is not something i have ever really had a talent for, even as a child.  but when it comes, these lines are what it feels like.  what i love about mr. cummings is that he writes the way things feel, not the way we've learned to describe them. leaping greenly spirits of trees? don't they really seem that way on a perfect spring day? it's so much better and more accurate a description than talking about green branches blowing in clear air.... and i think this poem describes accurately the kind of saving god i believe in.  e.e. cummings, sometimes you make me want to weep for joy.

we all have our own life to pursue, our own kind of dream to be weaving...

my brother-in-law, lloyd, is really one of the nicest, sunniest men you'll ever meet. super athletic, he also happens to be a weaver! several years ago, he decided he needed a hobby other than playing and watching sports, and upon researching, settled on weaving. someone in his family had a loom that wasn't being used, so he inherited it and started learning.  he and his wife keep the loom in the corner of their family room and it is really quite beautiful just as a kind of architectural addition. lloyd had made rugs for family members and because i'm interested in virtually anything handcrafted, lloyd said he would make a rug for jon and me and that i could help. i helped a bit with each step (there are more than you might think and i wish i had photographed them all), and we brought our rug home last night where it graces the floor of our teeny tiny kitchen. i don't remember any of the weaving terms, but i can tell you that weaving is far more involved than i ever would have thought. once the loom is set up, however, the actual weaving goes pretty quickly and is so fun! and like all handicraft, seeing the end product is so worth it! thanks, lloyd + mel for all the hang-out time and instruction. you guys are the best!

one ostrich 5 ways

ostriches are really cool.  did you know they can run up to 43 miles an hour and can run at this speed for up to half an hour?  did you know they are the second fastest animal living?  did you know their fossils date back over 120 million years?  just one of their eggs can equal up to 24 chicken eggs, and they do not bury their heads in the sand but they do lie low and press their necks into the ground in order to be less noticeable in defense, which kind of cracks me up.  (what?! ostrich? where?)  ostrich meat is a red meat and is really low in cholesterol, calories and is almost free of fat.  their immune systems are one of the most advanced known to mankind, and also, if you look up pictures of ostriches online and see the one where the ostrich has a mouthful of teeth...  it's not real.  :(  cause birds don't have teeth. but maybe someone thought it was.  and maybe her husband still teases her about it.  but the picture is pretty convincing.

 i gave these to sissy and she framed them and put them in her wee babe's room. i like.

what i love about thrift shopping is...

when this happens. and you find something so totally perfect. like it was made for you.

i'm so in love with the fabric of this handmade dress. requires losing 5 lbs for a perfect fit and if that doesn't happen, sell it on etsy i will.

modern love

i mentioned these silhouettes just a few posts ago. the first one i did- of myself- was for a school project-- we had to do a couple of non-traditional self-portraits, so i did a paper collage profile cause i'm in love with paper.  and husband's came along when i realized i needed to come up with decorations for the table where guests left us little notes.  my sister re-purposed our invitation (which had black silhouettes of us on it) and turned it into a 3d piece of framed artwork; by chance, they all totally fit together.

funky chicken

my sister is a better knitter than i am.  it's true.  i took a beginner's class at a local knitting shop many years ago and showed her how to make scarves, and then i ran out of knitting juice and she just took off.  luckily, we have enough aunts and cousins who are expert knitters who could help her out once i no longer could.  and like my late grandmother, she knits whilst watching movies and television, a trick i may never pick up.  she's made a handful of these cuties and baby clothes and such, and it's so fun to see what she produces.  yay, b!

lost in (rob) france

 

now here's a guy you'd want to meet, if only he hadn't just flown across the pond for love. originally from wyoming but a resident of salt lake for a number of years, i discovered this gentleman because he was a friend of many acquaintances and somehow somewhere saw his work.  i was smitten at first glance.  he does pen drawings that more recently include a bit of flesh-toned watercolor, and they summon early 20th century fashion drawings and are pretty mannerist in style.... other than that, all i know is, this guy's got talent.  and a nicer, more genuine fellow he couldn't be.  i'm just sad my city has lost him.